There’s a sadness inside of me that makes me want to just break down and cry. The building pain is starting to leak but seems to have been building for some time, and now is not the time to let go. I cannot let go because letting go would demolish me. I wouldn’t be able to get back up and walk again and it cripples me to know this. I cannot function or move or speak or be free. Little things that in the ordinary course of the day wouldn’t bother me has me second guessing everything, My place among my friends, in life and job and home.
I needed a friend today, but a specific one and could not bother them for they have their own woes. But it seems as though all are caught up or cannot be bothered-nor would I want to–for the naked truth is that what would come out, while freeing me, hopefully, would hurt so many others. So I keep it bottled up as best as can be, and carry on through another day, but feel unraveled.Lost.Completely alone. I am screaming inside but none will ever hear it, see it, experience it. Only these words written give it away.
I seek the help of my Deity and hear only silence. Perhaps I am asking the wrong question, or expecting too much or even impatient for the answer. Except. I know the answer and what I should do-but I won’t. So in short I am drowning, and right now I don’t think I care enough to even stay afloat. In this moment, right now, this is how I feel, but I think tomorrow will be another day and the emotions felt today, while still remaining, won’t be as fierce, and once again I will be able to remain floating.